Lots of bits of random food in the house, such as one ancient tomato and 42 limes, but no time to cook? You're in luck!
2 cans of beans (I used pinto and black; anything would work)
random chopped stuff (I used 2 onions, some small bell peppers, the sad tomato, leftover garlic, leftover jalepeno, a handful of parsley)
some kind of liquid, such as water
Throw random chopped stuff into the bottom of the slow cooker, without sauteing first. (I believe most slow-cooker recipes want you to do this to take away the "bite" of the onion and peppers and garlic, but this tastes exactly the same to me.)
Pour beans on top, without draining. (I know it is healthier to rinse the extra salt and whatever off first; however, this would have taken an extra 4 seconds and dirtied another kitchen implement. If you want to do it, fine, but I will question your commitment to true sloth.)
Pour a little bit of liquid over the top, probably about 1/4 c -- just enough that you're pretty sure nothing will burn. Add a splash of red wine vinegar and/or lime juice, if you have it.
Set crockpot on low and walk away for the rest of the day, or a couple hours, or whatever.
Eat on tortillas or rice and revel in the fruits of your laziness.